19 8 / 2014
"Start ignoring people who threaten your joy.
Literally, ignore them.
Don’t invite any parts of them into your space."
18 8 / 2014
the0dore-nott said: Do you really think Alex Day should have been banned from posting on the Nerdfights subreddit? Isn't that a bit censor-y, I mean surely he has a right to be heard among the people who used to be his 'fans', even if he did do some terrible things (allegedly).
The short answer is yes, he should be banned, and that shouldn’t need any explanation but since it apparently does, here you go.
He has no right to be heard. No amount of explanation can alleviate the very real and lasting harm he caused the dozen or so girls - and those are only the ones who came forward, because I also personally know more girls who have been affected and who have not come forward. Furthermore, he already put up two lengthy tumblr posts which proved that he not only still has literally no clue that what he did was more than an “oops” and I’m just not willing to give him any more of the benefit of the doubt.
On top of that, the posts in question on Reddit are full of denial and gaslighting specifically related to these events. And what he’s not saying in defense of himself is in defense of other rapists. These are techniques of emotional abuse, and knowing that he is abusive, we must do what we can to stop him.
Also, no. This is not censorship. The government is not stepping in and telling him he’s not allowed to say words. This is the community, which he disrespected and took advantage, telling him that he is unwelcome and that he does not deserve our attention or respect. We are telling him that not only did he do something abusive, he is currently doing abusive things and that is 100% not okay.
Finally, as an abuse surviver myself, let me tell you you can fuck right off with that “he did some terrible things (allegedly)” bullshit. It is so hard to find support when you have been or are being abused, and as a victim you constantly face people understating the profound impact the abuse had on you. He didn’t do terrible things, he did atrocious, unforgivable, disgusting, repulsive things. And if you’d rather give him the benefit of the doubt, then you’re not welcome here, either.
17 8 / 2014
"You always have your own opinion about everything, Miss Broke, and it is always a good opinion."
What answer was possible to such stupid complimenting?"
17 8 / 2014
Over the past week, my depression and anxiety have crushed me with the force of a speeding semi-truck. I’ve found myself largely unable to leave my room.
Lying on my bed, I watch the clock move through each hour at an agonizingly slow pace. I feel my stomach twist into knots as my mind travels over the same mental loops:
You are pathetic.
You should be working, you piece of shit.
You will never amount to anything.
You are the stupidest person who has ever lived.
You will always be too much to handle.
Everyone hates you.
You have no friends.
He left you because he knows you are crazy.
You are so worthless.
He will never love you because you aren’t lovable.
You have no future.
You are going to fail out of school.
You are too clingy.
You are going to die.
I think these things until my head aches. I become physically sick. By two a.m., I am unable to rest, settle, or stop crying. Time seems to stop and all of a sudden, eighty years seems an awfully long time to have to stay alive. An hour seems like an awfully long time to have stay alive.
But you must must must must stay alive.
I want to say two things:
1) “But if I were really depressed,” I think over and over, “I would die without making a fuss. I don’t deserve anyone’s attention.”
I would like to say — for anyone else who feels this way — you deserve attention. When did it become a virtue to die without making a fuss? No one is doing anything more important than keeping you alive. As a person who occasionally visits the Land of Productivity, I will speak for all people: no one ever does anything that can’t be interrupted for someone in intense psychological pain.
So keep talking. I know that it feels like no one is listening, but you must not shut up.
2) It is okay to not be perfect or productive, for a week or for a year. It is okay to be sad and to feel despair. You do not need to feel guilty, sick, and sad over being sad.
Being sad every day by itself is enough for anyone to deal with.
I have been struggling to remember both of these ideas this week. I hope writing this for myself in the internet echo chamber will help you, too.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
16 8 / 2014
"When I say, ‘I love you,’ it’s not because I want you or because I can’t have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. I’ve seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You’re a hell of a person."
16 8 / 2014
"Having a low opinion of yourself is not modesty. It’s self-destruction."
16 8 / 2014
"when i walk along a busy street (and every fucking street is fucking busy in fucking london) i find that i hop out of the way for every man in every suit that catches my eye with a ‘sorry’ and a click of my heels and a tip of my hat. here’s to change, and i raise my glass:
i will not move mountains for you, and i will not step out of your way because you expect me to. sometimes people tell me that i’m small - i’m tall for a girl, i’m tall for myself, all things considered. i have spent hours of my life searching for how to shrink away, how to be dainty, how to please, how to wear pastels and be pretty and natural and how to cross my legs with one behind the other like anne hathaway in the princess diaries and how to walk so that everyone can see everything and how not to cut my hair short and how to agonise over my skin in the morning and how to wear shoes that boys like and how to giggle just so and how to pretend that it is no effort at all.
i’m adamant that no matter how easy i am to sling over your shoulder, i will walk a straight line, and if my hips make my skirt flare out then i will walk all with one foot in front of the other. i will not move, i will not tip my hat, and a sorry is not going to make its way out of my mouth."